Nightmares, fever, and confessions
by Iluvbeyblade
Summary: Ray's lying awake, listening to Kai toss and turn, aching to help him. But how can he? There's no way in this world that Kai returns his feelings, is there? Oneshot KaiRay


Okay, this just popped into my head. It's completely random, so make of it what you will!

* * *

I lie here, in bed at four in the morning, listening in the darkness. I'm usually still up at this time, the art of cat-napping during the day perfected years ago. But, no, this morning I'm changing my habit, waiting for the familiar routine to begin. What routine is this? Training? The daily rush to beat Max to the bathroom and Tyson to the kitchen? No, it's something much less light-hearted. Something that makes my heart hurt as I watch. A creak from one of the beds warns me of the commencement. Kai begins to toss and turn.

I watch in silence. As I said, it hurts, seeing this. Seeing him in his most private moments, I know I shouldn't be doing it. He would push me away with a furious glare if he knew I knew about these nights. He tries to make out that he's untouchable, unbeatable, that nothing will ever hurt him. But I know better. At night, his defences fall away and he's more vulnerable than even Kenny, defenceless against a past that slowly tears him apart from the inside.

"No…I'm sorry, Grandfather…yes, yes, it won't happen again…" His incoherent mumbles cut off abruptly as he stiffens as if he had been struck. His face changes into an expression of absolute fear and I shiver involuntarily. This must be a very bad night. "_No_!" he screams suddenly, thrashing around and getting hopelessly tangled up in his sheets. The sound is deafeningly loud in the silent room, and I hear Max - the lightest sleeper - stir and murmur something in his sleep. "Don't, grandfather!" Kai yells again. I get out of bed and hurry over to him, desperate to do something to help. "Please…don't…"

Tears streak his cheeks, leaving pale lines in his face paint. His skin glistens with sweat, unusually flushed. I put a hand gently to his forehead to wipe some of the sweat away, and gasp. He's burning up. I've never felt anyone so hot before. He flinches away from my touch, his face creased with dread. "No…leave me alone…I know I'm weak….I know…please, don't hurt me…" he mumbles feverishly, shivering and shrinking away. I sit on the bed next to him, trying to soothe him.

"Kai, it's okay…it is, promise. I don't know whether you can hear me, but I'm here for you. No, no, ssh…" I take one of his hot hands as they begin to move again. I've seen him hurt himself before, physically, punching, scratching, anything that he can. "Ssh…ssh…" I stroke his cheek tenderly, reassuringly.

Yes, I'm gay, and yes, I like him. But I know full well that he would never accept me. I'm resigned to that. He's terrified of contact, of emotion, of showing himself to be weak.. I know he's gay, but sometimes I wonder if he even knows. How do I know, you ask? It's quite normal for all of us except him to wander around the dojo naked, and I surprised him once, when he wasn't expecting me to appear. Let's put it this way, he's either gay, or the biggest prude I've ever known. And prudes don't generally get hard ons at the sight of another naked guy. So, yeah, I know he's gay. It makes it worse in a way, because I know that if he was just a different, softer person, I might stand a chance. But hey, I'm realistic.

He moves restlessly, quiet for the moment, the battle inside him now. I get up and head for the bathroom, intending to get a cold flannel to help bring his temperature down. A moan stops me in my tracks. I look quickly behind me. He's stirring, his eyelids fluttering. I sit back down next to him.

"Kai, can you hear me?" He nods feebly, struggling to keep his eyes open for more than a second. "You've got a temperature, okay? That's why you feel so awful. Just try to get some rest, yeah?" He nods again. I stroke a hand lightly over his flushed cheek. His head follows the movement, and, to my utter, paralysing shock, he brushes his lips gently against my palm.

"Ray?" he murmurs faintly. A slit of grey shows as he forces his eyes open.

"Yes Kai, it's me." I reply reassuringly.

"I feel…weak." he says finally, a look of panic flashing across his wan face. I smile and caress his cheek gently.

"Don't worry about it, you've got a temperature, that's all." This is a dream come true. Me, talking to Kai, touching him, _comforting_ him…and he kissed me… Okay, it was my hand, but still! Calm down, Ray. Kai needs to sleep. "You need to sleep, okay? Just shut your eyes and try to relax." Shivering, gulping for air, he nods and obeys me. Within seconds, he's deeply asleep. I stay where I am for a few more minutes, then start to get up. Stopping, a thought hits me. It'll mean taking advantage of his weakened state to the utmost…but I just can't resist… Bending down, I touch my lips to his, the contact softer and lighter than a feather. Drawing away, I go back to bed.

* * *

"I know you're awake, Ray." Reluctantly, I open my eyes to confront Kai's impenetrable grey ones. Not to mention daylight…ugh…

"You feel any better?" I ask casually, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. He nods curtly, his eyes wide and watchful in his pale, drawn face. "You don't look it." I comment matter-of-factly.

"I'm fine!" he snaps. There is silence for a few minutes, then he shifts slightly in bed. "Last night," he begins uncomfortably. I freeze. How much does he remember? "Was I just hallucinating, or…were you…there?" I nod. "Right." His faces closes up.

"Kai, it's not a crime to be sick!" I can't stop myself from retorting sharply to that comment as I climb out of bed.

"I know that…" He looks away, rolling over onto his back. Despite his best efforts, his eyes begin to drift shut. Forcing them open again, he tries to sit up. His face drains of what little colour it possessed beforehand and he sways slightly, falling back down again. I hurry over and place my hand on his forehead.

"Kai, you're still boiling!" I tell him, shocked. "You need to rest!"

"No, I don't!" Stubbornly, he struggles to get up, his face flushing with the effort. "I don't need your help, Ray!" Temper flares inside me.

"You fucking well do!" I snarl, forcibly pushing him back down again. He stares woozily up at me, fear lurking in the depths of his glassy eyes.

"I'm s-sorry…" he mumbles, his gaze suddenly far away, deep in the past. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean..."

"Kai, who am I?" He looks at me, mute, as he struggles to clear his fevered mind.

"R-Ray…" he whispers eventually. His face twists. "This is so…pathetic…"

"Kai, it's not pathetic!" I settle myself more comfortably next to him on the bed and take the liberty of brushing a sweat-dampened lock of hair away from his mouth. He doesn't react, his eyes full of shame. "You're ill, it's perfectly natural to get a little bit disorientated."

"That's not all of it…" His voice is barely audible. I get the feeling that he hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"What is it?" My voice has lowered too, soothing and gentle.

"How I…feel about…you…" He shuts his eyes quickly, as if he can't bear to see my reaction.

My head reels. He likes me? As in, _likes _me? Joy floods through me. But, I have to check…

"Kai? Do you like me?" He shrugs. "Because…I like you…" Damn, that wasn't supposed to come out! His eyes fly open, wide with shock.

"You…you do?" he stammers, utterly taken aback. I nod. My cheeks are on fire, I can feel them. He suddenly looks nervous. Very, _very_ nervous. "I…like you, too." he whispers. I smile broadly.

"Excellent. We can figure out the rest later. Right now, you need to sleep, for the, what, third time?" The corners of his mouth twitch up into a small, tentative smile and he shut his eyes.

"Something like that…" His hand creeps into mine. I squeeze it gently. "Stay with me. Don't want… the nightmares…" His voice trails off, slurred with weariness.

"Okay." Rejoicing inwardly, I lie down next to him and look at him fondly.

Like I said, we can work out the rest later. Right now, he's mine.

* * *

Well? Opinions are welcome, please.I personally don't think I'm much good at this kind of fluffy stuff. Give me angst anyday. 


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